remembering

As i sit here i my room i'm reading my old graduation cards. You could say that i'm something of a pack rat, so yes i still have all the graduation cards from last spring. It's weird to look over the cards. As i sit here trying to figure out what the heck i want to do with my life, i'm surrounded by these cards from a community that has believed in me. There isn't pressure there to follow a certain path, but rather a belief that whichever path i take, i will succeed. Considering my self-esteem level is sub par these cards of encouragement help me to look forward and believe in myself. And also to trust that God has a plan. There is a HUGE sense of blind faith in where i am right now. and looking back who knew this is where i would end up? But i know God has it in control. If only i will trust that His plan is right, correct. This weird/awesome time in my life is so confusing. I feel like it's a brief breath of freedom. A fork in the road that if i keep wandering i get to experience life but i also get to miss out on a ton. There is such a rich culture, so many different windings in the path that i get to choose.  So as i sit down and make lists, i realize what is important to me. And living in the memories and romanticizing high school won't get me anywhere now.  Where do i go? What do i want to do. The world is at my fingertips, and i do not want to be contained. But there are fears, loneliness.  So many pros and cons. Where to begin? I plan to make a list. My own bucket list. Because with no family, no relationships to tie me down, how do i make the most of this time in life? My fear is waking up ten years down the road and realize i never did what i wanted to do. However, on the same level i fear waking up ten years down the road, in the middle of nowhere with no direction in my life, and no one to share it with.  How do you balance? Where do you draw the line?